1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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