so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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