she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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