I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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