my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize