You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize