no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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