Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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