so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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