Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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