he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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