Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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