Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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