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There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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