Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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