just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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