he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
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So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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