Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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