Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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