so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize