I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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