We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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