worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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