well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize