Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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