He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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