when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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