Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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