Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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