Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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