someone threw a dead crab at me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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