So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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