ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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