I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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