my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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