just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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