Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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