There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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