I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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