remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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