I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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