I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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