I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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