I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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