I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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