There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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