Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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