You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had sex on a roof
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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