From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize