I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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