i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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